And What Will You Have For Dessert?

Ah! That yummy question.

I will have a drive in the rain, please.

I have had my share of Murphy's law in the past two days. Murphy's law basically dictates everything that goes wrong. Everything that you DON'T wish would happen. The line is the longest the day you stand in a queue. It rains when you don't have your rain coat with you. Your manager passes by your seat that one second you happen to open your gmail after a long day's work. When you need something desperately, people who had it with them just until then, miraculously don't. When you have to get to a place at rocket speed, there is traffic on that empty road you take. These examples should give you more than a clear idea. Because I am sure, at least one of this would have happened at least once in everyone's life.

So, Murphy's law in my life. Lemme see... Oh yes! I found myself his favourite child yesterday. He bestowed everything upon me in a single day.

My day started normally. Wake up, go to office, rot. I reach office and try installing this much needed tool for my project. Only it refuses to get installed and decides to test my patience. After a long chat with the support helpdesk, when I restart my system to make the installation effective, my system this time decides that I need to learn more patience. All my network connectivity is gone! I am deprived of the freedom to browse as it is, as my seat is right next to my manager's, and now this. A long call with the support helpdesk later, I am told that my system has to be formatted so I had better take backup of all my data for I will lose all of it. I hence go hunting for a hard drive. All those wonderful people who bring it everyday somehow don't have it for various reasons. I finally manage to find one and take the backup. I expect them to come right away to complete the formatting, but they have different plans.

I finally leave office, take my vehicle and come out to find that it it is drizzling. It's just a drizzle, I think, and drive on. Within minutes it starts getting heavy and I get drenched. It did occur to me to stop at a shelter until it stopped. But knowing Murphy ever so well, I could believe without a doubt that it would reduce even if I drove on, but only become heavier if I stopped for shelter. So, I drive on. This, is my dessert for my perfect day. I reach home drenched to a very angry mother who doesn't talk to me. Ah! Icing!

The proof of Murphy's law has been a long pending post. I now have substantial experience to quote. I am pretty sure all of you do too. As it spares noone. Muhahahahahaha! (Just tried the evil laugh. :D)

But it does teach you something. That things are not bad all the time. Well, for one, I got my system fixed today and it didn't rain. :P

If any of Murphy's law has been of any use, it is this - If you cannot convince them, confuse them. I have followed it very piously and can guarantee that it works every time. Try it. :)

Now Tread We A Measure

I have been a huge fan of Lochinvar right from the time I read it in my English literature at school.

It is about a young English Lord called Lochinvar who rides to the Netherby castle to claim his love who is forced to marry someone else. The valiant lord sweeps her off her feet right in front of her parents and the groom, dodges those who chase them and rides off with his bride.

It is true that girls dream of a perfect wedding with a perfect guy from a very young age. Stories of Prince Charming taking his bride away on a white horse only feed the fantasy. It is a different school of thought whether such a thing is practically possible. But who cares! It is so sweet and romantic. No harm dreaming about it. Sigh…

Anyway, here is the poem for your read. I am pretty sure girls would fall for it and dream about Lord Lochinvar Charming. ;)

Oh! young Lochinvar is come out of the west,
Through all the wide Border his steed was the best;
And save his good broadsword he weapons had none.
He rode all unarmed and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love and so dauntless in war,
There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.

He stayed not for brake and he stopped not for stone,
He swam the Eske river where ford there was none,
But ere he alighted at Netherby gate
The bride had consented, the gallant came late:
For a laggard in love and a dastard in war
Was to wed the fair Ellen of brave Lochinvar.

So boldly he entered the Netherby Hall,
Among bridesmen, and kinsmen, and brothers, and all:
Then spoke the bride’s father, his hand on his sword,
For the poor craven bridegroom said never a word,
‘Oh! come ye in peace here, or come ye in war,
Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?’

‘I long wooed your daughter, my suit you denied;
Love swells like the Solway, but ebbs like its tide
And now am I come, with this lost love of mine,
To lead but one measure, drink one cup of wine.
There are maidens in Scotland more lovely by far,
That would gladly be bride to the young Lochinvar.’

The bride kissed the goblet; the knight took it up,
He quaffed off the wine, and he threw down the cup,
She looked down to blush, and she looked up to sigh,
With a smile on her lips and a tear in her eye.
He took her soft hand ere her mother could bar,
‘Now tread we a measure!’ said young Lochinvar.

So stately his form, and so lovely her face,
That never a hall such a galliard did grace;
While her mother did fret, and her father did fume,
And the bridegroom stood dangling his bonnet and plume;
And the bride-maidens whispered ‘’Twere better by far
To have matched our fair cousin with young Lochinvar.’

One touch to her hand and one word in her ear,
When they reached the hall-door, and the charger stood near;
So light to the croupe the fair lady he swung,
So light to the saddle before her he sprung!
‘She is won! we are gone, over bank, bush, and scaur;
They’ll have fleet steeds that follow,’ quoth young Lochinvar.

There was mounting ’mong Graemes of the Netherby clan;
Fosters, Fenwicks, and Musgraves, they rode and they ran:
There was racing and chasing on Cannobie Lee,
But the lost bride of Netherby ne’er did they see.
So daring in love and so dauntless in war,
Have ye e’er heard of gallant like young Lochinvar?

Grooming the Bride

‘JANANI! How many times do I have to wake you up?! Can’t you see am getting late? Are you even bothered that I am running up and down trying to finish chores AND yelling at you to wake up. When will you ever learn?’

I woke up to these pleasant sounds this morning. Actually, this is what I wake to every morning. At first, you don’t know if it is just a bad dream, until the voice becomes clearer and sounds nearer. Yeah, that’s mom yelling.

Sometimes when I wake up with a headache, I am not sure if it is because of a disturbed sleep or hearing these tranquilizing sounds first thing in the morning.

What’s wrong, I ask. I do not have family responsibilities like my mom does. I don’t have kids to send to school. I don’t have a husband to send to office. If anything, I have a brother who I have to drag from the bed when I leave office to get him to lock the door. Then why should my slender shoulders be burdened with Herculean responsibilities like waking up early when all I want to do is sleep a few peaceful minutes more?

They say the atmosphere and the mood you wake in decides your mood for most of your day. Now you can imagine what poor me has been going through.

As if yelling at me to wake up early is not enough, she also yells at me for not helping her in the kitchen. I mean, what’s that! I am going to go through that hell when I get married anyway. Why start the torture so soon? I don’t need practice to face torture!

I have to start cooking, I have to learn house-keeping… I have to basically start grooming myself for wifehood. They should probably start including it as a subject in schools and colleges. We would at least have the option of bunking. :P

Seriously though, it doesn’t require a degree to cook something that’s edible. What’s google for? House-keeping is something that comes from within us according to the situation if we are not dumb enough to not catch on. For instance, when I stayed as a paying guest for a year, I washed my own clothes, cleaned my cupboard and bed and led a pretty decent life. Why should I practice it at home?

If I talk back about it to mom, I am written off as no good. Well, I don’t care. I want to enjoy my bachelorette life. I don’t care how many dialogues of ‘I was not like this. I listened to my mother’ or ‘I don’t know why only you are like this’ or ‘When will you ever understand’ or ‘God, she is definitely going to spoil my name in her household’ I hear. I am NOT going to go through a crash course on ‘How to Be a Good Wife’. If my husband has any complaints, let him come out with it and we’ll sort it out.

I feel like Kareena Kapoor in Mein Prem Ki Deewani Hoon when her mom asks her to act shy and smile coyly when Hrithik arrives. I would rather die than do such a thing.

Flash news, mom and dad. I won’t screw up my married life. Believe it for your own good. Period.

Software Engineer – A truly ‘blessed’ life…

Being a software engineer myself, I couldn’t hold off too long without writing about this. It is an autobiography of sorts.

Like all software engineers, I didn’t pick this life. It picked me. It’s like the wand in the Harry Potter series. You don’t choose IT. IT chooses you. :P

Anyway, I was released from my 4-year engineering curse and immediately put under the next curse. I am not a computer junkie. It was just the mild curiosity of the life that I have heard so much about that prompted me to take it up. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. After 3 years, I can say that it is nothing.

For a country that is used to working from 9-5 in badly ventilated buildings with a slowly rotating fan above every four desks and a small ‘lunch room’ with a huge table and a few chairs around it, it IS a big deal when you are offered fully air-conditioned offices situated in an amazing campus with an amazing architecture, an international food court with all kinds of delicacies, a computer to yourself wherein you can complete all your household bill payments, and of course, the almost-remote-but-assured trip abroad for a few months.

A few months of this life, and it dawns on us that it is just a clever ruse to get people working here. The air-conditioning is still there. So is the architecture, food court and computer. While some of us have the privilege of browsing, some don’t. As for the trip abroad, well am still waiting…

It is a multi-billion-trillion-whatever-dollar industry where we make peanuts.People who feel they are too thin and need to put on weight do. People who feel they are too fat and need to lose weight do too. Put on weight, that is. Well, what else do you expect of a sedentary job, unless you are able to hit the gym an hour everyday. Even if you succeed gymming for half an hour, your cellphone begins humming your favourite ringtone signaling your manager’s call. Life is at its romantic best when both husband and wife are from the software industry. ;)

The software vernacular is the immediate effect on anyone who joins this industry. We are now used to saying stuff like ‘Oh you can’t make it to the wedding? No issues’ or 'Why did you score so less in your math exam? What's the issue?' or ‘I am sorry unless it is a mail communication, I do not recollect it’ or ‘I’ll ping you on gtalk’… Since when did message become ping and problem become issue? I had the shock of my life today when I heard the housekeeping people in the ladies restroom say ‘Apadi pannadha.. Issue aayida pogudhu’ (don’t do that, it is going to become an issue’). Such is the reach of the software vernacular.

Looking at the bright side, whether I have learnt the latest software technologies or not, whether I have solved all my issues or not, I am in loop about all the latest happenings in the world, thanks to this little system called mail-forwarding. I have accounts in almost all networking sites that I hardly use. I pay my bills on time. I also have the most amazing song collection. Songs that have been my all time favourites. Unless it is a movie I have been dying to watch, I needn't waste money going to the theatre as I update my pen drive every week with the latest movies. And what do you know, I have even started blogging! :P

There are so many alarming things about this industry. There are things that we can never make sense out of. There were points when I wanted to quit the next minute. I still do. But I also realized that it is not half bad when you have your best buddies here to make the miserable life bearable and fun.

So here I am. Your typical software engineer, on bench, waiting for a project in god-knows-what technology… ;)