The Times are a-Changin’…

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

Well, that was easy for Bob Dylan to say and make some money out of it. :P

We all like to believe that the times are changing and beckoning us to a better future, given that we were born in a very conservative land. We are more open to the cultures around the world, our ideas have changed and we are looking to an entirely different way of life from our fathers, let alone our forefathers.

At this time, we look to our older generation for a little understanding, the absence of which makes the meek ones nod their heads to their elders’ commands and the bold ones (me, one among them, most of the time :D ), revolutionaries.

The question here is, just because some of us want to live our lives our way, which is perfectly legal as long as we don’t do drug trafficking or something, is it fair to immediately brand us disrespecting or valueless or, like in some cases, the anomaly of the clan?

I was talking to a very dear friend last night. She works for a software company and was given an opportunity to travel abroad as a part of her job. This means a lot to us software engineers both professionally and personally. Our career graph immediately shoots up after one visit abroad due to the knowledge we gain. On the personal front, well, you know, the glitz and glamour of the world outside is never tiring…

I was shocked when she told me that she refused the offer. Reason – her mother asked her not to take it up as they were fervently trying to get her married. Apparently, in her community, girls who are well-read, with very good qualifications, are seen as arrogant and ‘not the family type’. I couldn’t believe my ears when she said ‘They (relatives) already make a face when they learn that I work. Almost all the alliances that come look out for a non-working girl. If I travel abroad, that’s it. I will never get married. ’ Being the meek girl that she is, she didn’t object to her mother’s wishes.

Okay. Century check. Am I in the 21^st century or 16^th?

It doesn’t matter what century we live in. It is still a man’s world. The most important ambition in a girl’s life according to the older generation is still, getting married, pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen. There are very few who support her dreams. You finish school, college and work by chance. If there is that one different thing that you want to do, they wouldn't hear of it. What?! You want to waste two years on post-graduation when you can get very good alliances? You must be nuts.

Which law divides dreams and ambitions based on gender? Does the Bible or Geetha ask man to treat women in a subservient manner? How difficult is it to understand that women too, have a mind of their own? They have similar ambitions and desires as that of men. It is atrocious that our parents support this too. Why, in the first place, would I even want to marry a guy who thinks that my ambitions and the loans that come with it are a burden to his family, instead of being proud of such a wife?

I once got a forward that goes like this:

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do, for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

This might outline the perfect man, but essentially, it is also a message for all the elders out there. If not anybody else, at least our mothers should understand our predicament as they only know too well what it feels like to sacrifice. They like to claim that they are open-minded, but put a limit to how open minded they want to be.

There are possibly only three things that we can do – bow our head and accept whatever they say, or try and make them understand, or, as a last resort, go ahead and do what we please irrespective of what they think about us. It is the choice we make that will decide our future.

Yes. We all like to believe that the times are changing and beckoning us to a better future. It has happened for some of us. Some are still fighting, some have given up.

But we all still believe that there is hope...